those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She bit a glass in half.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
