i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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