BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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