He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
