K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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