i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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