She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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