He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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