youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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