her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
