you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
