Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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