My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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