it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
