the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
