He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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