After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
