Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
