The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
