I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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