hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
