he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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