I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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