somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
