Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
