I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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