Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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