If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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