It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
