There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
