i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
