I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
