:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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