watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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