I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
