dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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