between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
