My friends, they love my intelligence
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You ate ashes out of my bong
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
