apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
