He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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