you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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