sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
