I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I will be naked everywhere
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
