I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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