Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
