Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
