hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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