does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
