plz talk dirty to me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
