I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
