I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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